how does (or would) your friends/family react to you pursuing non-monogamy?

Well, my mom doesn’t like it too much. She is scared I’ll get hurt because I’m kind of emotionally unstable and need to be reassured someone actually likes me every so often. She’s afraid that when I need him, he’ll be busy with someone else, which will make my breakdown worse because I’ll feel more alone. She thinks it’s more like something you try when you’re older and have been with someone for a long time - basically she thinks it’s a choice. My friends don’t really know yet - I told one friend and he freaked out because [in his words] it’s ‘cheating’, ‘leading me on’ and ‘not good for me and it’s gonna make me unhappy in the long run’. Needless to say, he doesn’t like it too much.

I actually live with a polyamorous person, my roommate is polyamorous, so… that’s nice! Like that’s been an easy conversation. My other roommate, I think he knows I’m polyamorous? But I’m not sure. It’s not something that I felt I had to come out about, just because, even though it is intertwined with LGBTQ+ issues it’s not the same as me being like ‘well, I’m bisexual’. So, I don’t know, sometimes it’s just not something that I’ve talked about. There’s also sex work, like sex work is something that you would come about because it’s… I don’t know. I guess everything is charged politically and societally, ‘what are people gonna think of me, if I come out as polyamorous?’. I haven’t really told anybody that I’m polyamorous, but I’ve told people about other parts of my life that are more off the chart than other things [laughs].

I feel my personal sexual non-monogamy is something that I’m not comfortable enough to discuss with members of my family apart from my sister, just as a result of the household I was brought up in. However, when I have discussed it with my
trusted friends I’ve never been met with any judgement or adversity, and many of them have experienced non-monogamy in some form or other themselves. I think that being surrounded by sex-positivity in the media and current young generations
having increasingly open discussions about these kinds of subjects leads to a reinforced culture of open-mindedness and general acceptance which goes a long way for allowing non-monogamy to be explored without stigma.

My family would not understand it at all, they can be quite conservative in some ways, so I plan to never outright bring it up with them. I was raised Christian and since being gay was literally never mentioned, I seriously did not know anything other than girl and boy was an option. And not in the 'it was shamed' way, like I literally didn't know it existed. So the poly thing is exactly the same in my experience, if it's never presented, not everyone is going to get there on their own. My friends have all been really accepting, they mostly say that it isn't their thing but no one in my friend group has made me feel lesser for it.

My family is extremely unsupportive. My friends are largely fairly supportive as many of them are non-monogamous themselves.

A lot of those who are close to me support me even if they don’t get it. My friends all fall into the "good for you but it’s not for me" category. I’m out to my parents and they occasionally ask insensitive questions without realizing it - my mom really doesn’t understand, while my dad seems to think I’m just being young and wild. Despite that they both do try to understand and fortunately support me when they can.

Yes I think they would understand or at least accept it. The majority would. A few would not be open to it due to being born in a different generation with different opinions and cultural standards.

I only really have close friends and I pick them very carefully, so it’s really no issue. Those who know really don’t have an issue with the way I live my life as long as I’m happy. My partner and I lived with my father for a long time, he never knew and I have never spoken to him about it. I don’t think he would mind so much, as long as we still loved each other and were happy. I’m not sure my mother would be so understanding; I’m sure she would have something to say about it and why it was wrong. But I find myself not taking relationship advice of many older people. I find what works for me and who I love and that’s it.

I am honestly not sure, I think they might need some time to process and adapt to it. But I am sure they will accept it. They love me unconditionally and they are happy as long as I'm happy! The same thing happened when I came out as bisexual!

I didn’t really tell anyone when I was doing it, not until after. I honestly have no idea how my parents would feel – my mum doesn’t really talk to me about life stuff and I’ve never really had the time with my dad. It was every other weekend mostly, and then once every few months as I got older. That didn’t really cut it for deep conversations. I do find that others who have gone non-monogamous have often had separated parents or at least a slightly strained home life, but who doesn’t have that? I think I’m lucky to have experienced such different forms of love.

Honestly, I am really lucky with my family. When my girlfriend came out as trans we didn’t have any problems whatsoever on my side of the family; they love her, and they already know I’m not straight and don’t care. They’re really open minded and kind people, they probably wouldn’t really understand if I told them about my experience with polyamory, but they just want me to be happy.

They would just let me be. Because they know I'm gonna be me 😎 - They already do this.

I think they'd be positive about it, I have very open minded and supportive friends and family.

Well, it’s like all positive until now [with telling people]. When I told my mum, we were watching something, and we were talking and I told her. She knew already that I was interested in it because I told her before that I never really believed in monogamy since I was like sixteen or something. But I didn’t really know where to go, or people to talk to about it. I guess some people still think it’s weird. I think most of my friends are conservative, so I think they will respect it, but I don’t think they would do it for themselves until they found out more about it, or maybe it’s not for them. I think where I live, I don’t know people who live in this town who are like that. It makes it difficult because there’s no one to go to, so if you want to talk to people they’re in the big cities. I think polyamory is more for alternative people, I don’t really know any standard people who are like that.

My mum doesn’t care and adopted a poly attitude herself. I have a lot of sisters and they’re all open with it... my nan is too old to remember when she found out, but I don’t really want her to know because she’s a devote catholic, and when she first found out she called me a slut. A lot of my friends have changed their attitudes - I felt when I was sixteen everyone was cool with it, but wouldn’t personally be poly (which made me uncomfortable) but at around twenty decided they wanted more open relationships in some form which has been super nice. I’m very lucky. Both of my boyfriend’s families are not about it, and their friends either to be honest. With one of them, their mum didn’t mention me for a while, but continued to talk about his sister’s significant other, so eventually he mentioned that it was unfair and she has begrudgingly began asking of me. She seems nice, I’m just hoping I can win them over with my great personality when we eventually meet - I can be very persuasive [laughs]. My other boyfriend’s mum is good, but his dad doesn’t like me for similar reasons. I guess I can understand when you’re mono it doesn’t make sense and it’s probably hard for them, when they can at times be sexist/racist. I think when you’re in serious relationships with multiple people it’s harder because you want them to come to family stuff, and when ppl don’t agree with poly you can tell they don’t put energy into the person as much as they would if you were mono with them, lucky enough that all my sisters do.

I’ve told my parents about it but they don’t understand, but coming from a failed marriage they don’t know much about communication I guess. Recently I’ve stopped trying to make sense to other people. They don’t matter.

Honestly I think my friends are already well aware of my position in this and they never really had any reaction other than acceptance. I think they'd have a short laugh if I ever told them I'm in a relationship with more than one person but I trust they'd be just as supportive as they would be if I was pursuing a monogamous relationship. As for my family, if I'm talking about anyone other than my mother i know for a fact that they wouldn't agree with it at all but they wouldn't do anything other than argue with me on the subject.

I think my granny for example would not understand it, but my mother, if I explain it good and she sees me happy, I think her reaction would be just fine. My friends of course support everything that has to do with keeping me away from toxic monogamous and romantic relationships. So yeah. They are so happy to see me growing every day.

Honestly, I don't think my family would accept it. That's to do with being Christian as well as loyalty to the one person you're with. I'm perhaps a bit old fashioned, but I too think a relationship should be something shared between two people, not more. But I believe non-monogamy views it differently. It's more like having partners rather than relationships, correct me if I'm wrong though.