do you think non-monogamy is something inherent (as in, the desire comes from within and cannot be changed) or rather something you choose to pursue?

I do think it comes from within, it’s kinda like being bi or gay I think. Of course [non-monogamous people] choose to be with multiple people at the time, but I think if they don’t they’ll always feel like they’re missing something. I wouldn’t know for sure, but I do think that’s what they experience when they’re in a monogamous relationship. It just wouldn’t make them happy in the end. That’s why I try to adjust to this situation, because I just want to see [the person I’m dating] happy, whether it’s with me and others or just with me. In my personal situation I do think it’s a choice though, because I don’t feel the need to date others while being in a relationship, and I choose to accept that [the person I'm dating] does because I like him. But if you’re actually polyamorous I think you just are, it isn’t about choosing to be.

I definitely think that it’s both, and this may be controversial to say, but I do feel like there are a lot of sex workers and a lot of LGBTQ+ people that have been influenced by trauma in their life. I feel like if you have trauma towards monogamy, you’re going to lean towards polyamory. You’re going to find it eventually, and you’re going to want to do that because you were so burned by what monogamy looked like to you. I feel like that kind of happened with me, but at the same time, I’ve always crushed and liked different people, and I just decided to ignore that. It’s not like they all liked me back either, so it’s not like I can be like, ‘oh wow, I have all these people interested in me, I’m interested in them’. I just knew the whole time that I could like multiple people, I could be in love with multiple people, maybe. So I definitely think it’s both.

I actually do believe that having a preference for non-monogamous relationships and arrangements is something which is in-built. I believe that everyone has the capacity for a curiosity to explore it, but for example after my own experience I feel like I’m more so predisposed to seek monogamous romantic relationships as an ‘end goal’. This can work both ways for those who are predisposed to prefer being in open and non-monogamous romantic partnerships.

To be honest, I really don't know. I think that societal expectations can start so young that the idea is never presented that there is anything "other." And if no other option, or the vocabulary to express any other option, is ever introduced it can be difficult to tell if something is inherent or introductory.

I think it’s both. I think non-monogamy is the more natural state of most people, but societal pressure has damaged peoples understanding of what their options are. I do think there’s fear in going forward with non-monogamy, since people still lose their children over it for example.

I honestly think about whether non-monogamy is inherent or not quite a bit, and my answer changes sometimes. If I had to answer right now though, I would say it’s a little bit of both. It doesn’t feel as inherent as other parts of sexuality, but there does seem to be inclination one way or another. We can also choose whether or not to nurture it. It’s hard to make that leap from cultural norm to alternative lifestyle. I know a couple people who I’ve known as polyamorous since the day I met them, who found their monogamous "true love" and settled down with just them. I’ve also known people who swore up and down they were monogamous, swore up and down they weren't poly, fell in love with someone who is poly and are now happily involved in a polycule. Many people are also the bisexual equivalent to polyamory: they are happy in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship. In my case, I don't think I could ever be truly happy in a monogamous relationship. I would feel like I was depriving myself of so much potential human connection. I can also understand the other side of the coin though and see how some people could never truly be happy with polyamory. I think it’s important to be true to yourself and polyamory, from the day I discovered it, has always felt like me.

I believe for some it is a choice, for some it is like sexuality or gender. A lot of this is based on culture and how we were thought to pursue love and relationships. ''Love is forever, the partners just change.'' It is a combination. We see a lot of cheating in this world. And those people have some kind of desire to vary partners, but because it is a cultural taboo, they act on it in secrecy. Instead of openly and honest communication. I am not sure about myself. I was introduced to it at a fairly young age. It is a part of my life, even to just think about it, talking openly. And I do strive for some kind of open or anarchistic relationships. It is definitely something in me I want to explore.

I’m sure it is in us all to be sexually open with different partners, doing research for myself, I can conclude that it's a basic human instinct to have many sexual partners. Feeling compassion and love for other people is something we are all born with, this doesn't stop at people we are not sexually involved with or family members. I love my friends the same way I love my family, the same way I love my partner. Love is love. I think to love someone and be sexually involved with them detracts nothing for any other relationship you can have. That’s my own thoughts and feelings on the subject. I cannot talk for others but I see people in unhealthy relationships all the time and I think there is a big bag of emotions that are not spoken about that hinder people in traditional relationships. Jealousy towards their partner and lust for someone else. It cannot be spoken about as it is not engraved into our concept of a relationship. It didn’t work for me so many times. I was sick of myself for having these feelings and sick of others having jealousy towards me. It made me feel uncompelled for wanting someone else while society told me one person should be enough. This now is not an issue as I can love, lust and care for who I want, all the while loving and cherishing my partner every day. It has done so much good for me, being able to be myself and loved for it. I think too many people hate the part of them that wants to experience someone else. People who cheat and act on these feelings without consent from their partners are wrong, but what choice do they have in a monogamous relationship? You can either control that part of yourself and learn to live with it or act on it. I think both are terribly wrong for your mental health. I have never cheated on anyone but the thoughts of being with others have been inside me all along. For the longest time it ate me up inside and made me feel weak and unable to love effectively. This part of my life, I am free to make my own decisions on who to spend time with and give energy to, both sexually and mentally. All in a healthy respectful and communicated way. I feel so much happier and I am so happy my partner can experience the same thing.

I absolutely think the desire comes from within, just like being gay, bi, etc. You don't just choose who you fall in love with, you feel the emotion deep from within, you can't just "turn it off". I am bisexual right, I can not just be like, okay now I am straight again, because I am extremely attracted to women and that won't just change. It is the same thing with non-monogamous relationships, you can't just choose to only feel love for one person!
I am in fact in a monogamous relationship right now. I am very in love and very happy to be in a relationship with just one person! Does that change the fact that I can be in love with more than one person, no, neither will it change the fact that I have had the desire to share my love with multiple people.
I am just in love with one person right now and I love him more than anything, I am perfectly happy that we are in a monogamous relationship! -
To be honest, it's kind of complicated sometimes. I have been in relationships where I had the desire to be in a non-monogamous relationship but I've also experienced relationships were I wanted to be with only one person. I think it's what my heart desires at different moments in life.

I think it’s the classic situation of a bit of both, and it depends on the person as well. We all feel like products of our upbringing, but I guess with enough agency you can be anyone.

I think both are true honestly. I think polyamory is something everyone is capable of pursuing and benefiting from if they’re open to it, but I had to consciously choose to reject the idea of monogamy that had been kind of engrained in me for my whole life in order to feel comfortable seeing what polyamory had to offer. A lot of people, like I mentioned before, have problems letting go of the ones they love enough to trust that they won’t run off when they connect with someone else. I don’t blame them for that, and polyamory probably isn’t for them in the present moment. But that feeling of letting go can be really beautiful and rewarding if you establish enough trust and clear boundaries with the people you’re seeing.

I think everybody can be non-monogamous or monogamous. You should be free to choose whatever suits you best.

I think it might be a bit of both. It's natural to like multiple people, the way you react to that is something you choose.

I don’t know, I think it’s a little bit of both. Like, it’s a choice to do it, you know, if it suits you or if it doesn’t, but like… it’s just a difference. I think it’s normal to not be with one person your whole life, but it’s a choice if you decide to go with monogamy and cheat or go with polyamory. You might physically cheat or emotionally cheat, you can talk to people, but if you feel a connection that you should feel with a partner, then it would be disrespecting the boundary you set in your relationship. I have heard of that happen with multiple people, it happens more than you think.

I personally think it’s inherent, but I also think that’s just how it feels for me. My best friend claims to be mono and never wants to be open in any form, but I just can’t believe her or anyone else, because I genuinely could never think like that. I respect her decision but on the inside I wonder.

I’m not sure if there’s a proper answer to this one - everyone is different. I know couples that have been together since they were teens and haven’t so much looked at anyone else, or at least they claim that. I’m not so sure I believe them but that’s maybe just me being cynical. Non-monogamy, to me at least, is natural, and the way I’ve always felt.

I genuinely believe it relates more to how a person develops and what they desire from their intimate relationships. Maybe for some people it's just a way of being, that they shouldn't have to change to conform, and maybe for others it's something they choose to pursue for whatever reason. Let it be either in pure curiosity or any other desire they can't satisfy in monogamy. I think it's a process that becomes way too complex and different from one person to the other in order to label it as this or that.

I think life changes too much to tell if that's something you can't change. In my case I chose to pursue it, but in a long term future you have to think about how many people actually do conceive this way of relationships, and that limits you; in a way of opportunities, I think. So I don't believe in polyamory forever but instead for seasons of your life when it's necessary to not lock yourself up in just getting to know one person. To evolve, grow and learn just from that partner that you share your life with. I think it's super important to feel free to express yourself and get to know yourself better by being surrounded by different people. At any level. It's the key of evolving and getting to actually know what you're looking for in someone to share your life with I guess.

I think it's a mixture of the two. The people who actually persue it, are the ones who choose to act on those feelings. I think there might be many more out there who perhaps feel this way, but are afraid to push through with it; out of fear of judgment from friends and family. So I think you're very brave and I've always felt that way towards you. We may not agree on everything, still I think it's important to at least respect and value each other's choices.